Here was the sun flower on 7/16. The top picture was taken 7/25! Can you believe that?!

But I am sorry and a little sore inside this morning about losing this giant plant last night. A raccoon, balancing its gluttonous body along the fence must have been spooked and mistook it for a tree. Boohiss! I tried to rollover and go to sleep (it happened around midnight) but my heart was a bit disturbed. I have to admit, however, that hearing my neighbors (yes, at midnight) relay things like "If you guys kill that little f@#$r, I'll skin it and make you a hat" was strangely comforting and therapeutic.

I am feeling quite humbled these past couple of days and it makes perfect sense that this little event might be the grand finale. Geez, I hope so. Really if this is the worst that happens to me this week, life is still pretty grand.

Sleep was evading me beforehand as I was pouring through an adoption book I checked out at the library. One of the chapters I read talked about dealing with your own losses as you progress through the adoption process. Often adoptive parents feel their own set of losses even before they bring home a child already wounded with probably the most painful loss one can endure. So you can imagine how serious the task is for parents to get healthy, grieve and come to a place they can parent out of acceptance of their own stuff and not out of fear.

Yeah, I know, light reading. I cried thinking about families enduring infertility and stillbirths, angry that they have all that pain and no answers. No explanations. I haven't thought about this side of it before and it really hit me. And humbled me. It's obvious to think about children who are unwanted, mistreated, even unsuccessfully aborted. But it's a bit of a paradigm shift to consider the parents who choose to adopt and their road to that decision.

I am overwhelmed but trusting God. Especially in His goodness. It is not a leap to believe in the existence of a higher Somebody, but it is out of the obedient heart that I will choose to trust that my God is not only mighty, but also so very very good. I am learning that He truly loves me and wants the very best for me. That truth is like a compass to me on days when I want to chase a proverbial bouncy ball onto a busy street, forgetting all the precedences that have been set beforehand that tell me the very thing I think I want will hurt me.

Because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it, I will also include some fancy-free after this leaded post:

beaunocurls. It was time for a change. Bradie does not like it. :)

floatilla

i have a positive ID on a rambunctious amphibious preschooler...

easy living

my opinion is that these two are just too dang cute!
Bradie and I were having tea time with our reading lesson a few weeks ago... might have to do that again soon. Tea, not the reading lesson. Most days she asks to do her lesson and inquires "is there a new sound today?" It's SO cool to see her excited to learn!
Okay, so Beau spends at least an hour a day parking his toy cars on his overturned Lightning McQueen chair. Also he spends most of his time in diaper only.
Soaking up some vitamin D in Spokane!
Giant sunflowers are super fun! See the mini variety right next door :)

kdfadkfhgk;ahdfg

You may thank my mother for this post. It was her flack that motivated me to do this :)

Again, I feel that so much has been going on this month and, here it is, almost over! I cannot do it much justice so I will resort to bullet points

- finished PRIDE training- woohoo

- made it through the vortex that is June basketball

-visited the Lynch clan, in Spokane, man I am a fan of that Lynch clan in Spokane! (what now Suess!?)

- completed Equip 201, which is our agency's after PRIDE class. I still don't know the folks in that class real well, but man it is encouraging and motivating to see the SAME faces (read: no one is chickening out!)

What now? Gee thanks for asking... now we have homework and lots of things to do and think about. CPR certifications, blood borne pathogens certifications, letters of reference, life stories to tell (twice, by the way), family profile books to make.

I need to get stamps and a fresh ream of paper and a clue. Target, no?

A blessing for sure will be a Beth Moore study I am doing with the ladies. I will need an anchor for my fool heart during all this.

Also I am trying to run again this summer. So far so good! I ran up Highway 9 from Lundeen today. Think I caught a semi draft here and there...probably not but I did it. Baby steps.

Baby steps are the story of my life right now. Just do the one thing you know you are supposed to do. Oswald Chambers reminds me to simplify and just keep obeying one day at a time.

Arise my blog...

Okay, so here's Bradie in an outfit her preschool teachers LOVED. For some reason unbeknownst. I call it the Angela Martin. Check out the drawing Bradie did of her princess placement. Really, click on it! The detail astounds me. It is very exciting and precious to watch her create things.

sweet friends.

Even sweeter friends. So a couple of months ago Lori asked me to help her do "program" (younglife style!) for our church's women's retreat. I nodded like a hungry animal and searched out my billybob teeth to pop in and get those creative juices a-flowing.

It was super fun to put this together with a friend who has meant so much to me and has in many ways watched me grow up. Unfortunately Lori's purpose we found out was only to breathe life into our program, not to see it through. Her mom's battle with terminal cancer was nearing an end and she could simply not come to the retreat. But what was so special to me was that Lori believed in me and just KNEW I could do it and it would work out.

BUT... I needed a partner. The thought of trying to do this alone made me turn green. Enter Christy. My dear friend Christy who is a type-A, plan it out, not in favor of surprises AGREED to put herself out there to help Lori and I. And she NAILED it! Really, most of the time as we were up front, making fools of ourselves, I just couldn't help but think in the back of my head, "Am I having TOO much fun?"

So that, ahem, flattering photo of Christy is her with "Lori" hair :)

Oh, and I also did the bulk of planning, filming and editing during our PRIDE classes which was NUTS, but worked out thanks to generous friends and Grandma Sally Johnson who help with our kiddos.

So...phew... an update. There were lofty, vocabulous plans for these writs but as it is June I thought I really should just git er done! Also, we are done with PRIDE (I have to make up one day I missed due to feverish Beau) and then we'll do a 201 class with our agency. So far so good. Still leaning in and praying and hoping.

(we were designers of a ficticious website/search engine for women. The material with this sort of thing is endless.)

a smidgeon

We have just completed day two of six of PRIDE training provided by the state. Tonight we talked about attachment and a little about Fetal Alcohol stuff. Did you know that one of the worst things you can do to a fetus is to drink and smoke? Worse than cocaine, heroine, even the toilet bowl that is meth. Both legal too. Very interesting. And the facial symptoms of FAA occur from alcohol abuse during days 19-23 of the pregnancy?

The trainers are capable, experienced and positive and EXCITED that so many people are their to earn their foster licenses. That is cool. It is also hard because I don't see us going this route at this point in our lives, so mentally wading through and keeping the right "lenses" on is a little taxing.

Grief abounds everywhere in this process. It is heavy and real. Losing a parent has tremendous effects on children. The intricacies of attachment to abusive situations feel beyond my experience and comfort in everyway...

and yet...

here we are.

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

1Peter 5:6,7

no inspiration. no pictures. just the facts.

-I am eating a oatmeal raisin cookie and drinking licorice spice tea

-It is raining

-we are attending a "101/newbie" class at our adoption agency on Saturday because we are IN!

-I am sleepy, but I am happy. Well, not really happy but I have Joy... and I'll take that any day over "happy"

cheers y'all.