Kinda journal-y for this blog, but sometimes keepin' it real is the only way. So there, anxieties cast out upon the One who cares with a side of gritty update. Order up.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
happy "new year"! Teacher culture and life celebrates the end of shaggy, unshaven fancy freeness and the beginning of new possibilities that STRUCTURE can bring! But, oh, the adjustment. It is hard around here in Merryweather land. Marcus comes home quite glazed this first week or so and it is challenging to get all the things done I would like. Out of perspective this can actually turn into much anxiety and a general tearfulness for me. Pathetic right? I know! It is crazy. This morning I woke at 4:50 (thanks Marcus' alarm!) and instantly begin running through birthday ideas for Bradie. If I weren't half asleep I probably would have had a panic attack! Sometimes not having a "real" job is tremendously hard. Like floating in a dinghy in a boundless ocean. Being able to do "anything" is such a tall order sometimes. I don't want to be a driven busybody of a mom but I don't want to waste my days either. I want to savor life, I want fruit, I want to be intentional with my kids. But I also want a clean desk and to not waste my precious, limited closet space. I want to find time each day to be in God's Word. I want to lose the 8 pounds I've gained since weaning Beau....blech.